Author Archives: Lane Corley
10 Years Ago Today,
Heather and I were unloading our U-Haul in Covington, LA to begin a Church Planting journey. We’ve added 20 lbs (that’s me, not Heather), a few gray hairs, 2 more Corley’s, lots of great friendships and changed lives, not a few sleepless nights and lessons learned. And now I’m more convinced than ever that:
- God is a great provider and is sufficient for any and every situation.
- God is a sender. And sometime he sends us into uncertainty and high water.
- Experience in church planting just means you know how difficult its going to be.
- New churches are needed to reach the 60% of people who are not being sought by current ministry models.
- Church must become more reproducible and easily multiplied if we’re going to reach the world for Christ.
- A good wife is more valuable than a seminary degree. Or anything else I can think of for that matter.
- Church Planters have more fun.
I’ve kept a journal of things I’ve overheard and noted over the past 10 years. Sharing some of that later.
Joining God in the Neighborhood
“The Word became flesh and moved into the neighborhood” http://bible.us/John1.14.MSG. Two of our Core Practices at Bridge Church are Proximity and Responsiveness to the Needs of Others. We often overlook the mission field that is our neighborhood, subdivision, people right around us, etc. Check out Alan Roxburgh’s new book and this helpful list of 30 Ways to Join God in the Neighborhood. Here are a few of my favorites:
- Commit to walking your neighborhood at different times of the day. What is going on? Who are you seeing or not seeing? Keep a journal about what you see, hear and learn as you continue to pay attention to your local rhythms.
- Find and join local social media people/groups that keep you connected with what’s going on near to home: twitter, facebook, blogs, etc.
- Join a club, class or group in your community around something that interests you. Commit to getting to know some different people in your community.
- Co-plan a street garage sale. Give the $$ to a local charity. End the day with a BBQ on your front lawn.
- Local police stations will often take you for a night ride and tell you about your community after dark.
- Go visit some local real estate agents and ask how you could welcome neighbors into your area.
- There are probably immigrants coming into your community from other countries. How about welcoming them to your country. Offer some tutoring for young children or conversational English for parents.
- Become a regular – if you are not a regular already, commit to a local coffee shop, breakfast spot, family diner, etc. and show up on a regular basis.
Other Ideas?
“he will turn the hearts of fathers to [their] children…”
Monday’s at our local jail, our church is doing a fathering group called Inside Out Dad. Why? The #1 request on our prison survey form was help with Parenting/Family Issues. Also, for every inmate (1,200+ in St. Tammany Parish) there is a family system on the outside that is hurting, at risk, and in need of the gospel. 20% of inmates are children of inmates (click here for stats on Father absence). 2.2 million children in the U.S. under the age of 18 have a parent in prison. The average age of these children is 8 years old. Compared to their peers, children of inmates are more likely to also end up in prison. If we prevent a child from following a lifestyle of crime we prevent one or more people from being a victim of crime, and cost to the government (estimated at $24,000 per year per inmate; $49 billion nationwide last year). A child’s connection with their Dad is key to many social indicators. I could go on, but in two weeks this study has touched deep issues that get to the heart of the problem of crime and incarceration. “I never had another person tell me, ‘I love you.’ growing up.” “I’ll never have kids b/c I don’t want to cause them the pain that my dad caused me.” And a deep longing to get it right… This is from the journal of an inmate in the group.
I thank God for not only second chances, but many chances. And I would like to take this opportunity to get my life on track so that I can be a positive influence to my kids and grandkids. I look forward to hearing the words “Daddy” and “Grandpa.” And to being able to fulfill what those words really mean.
The Old Testament closes with a promise in Malachi 4:6 – “he will turn the hearts of fathers to [their] children and the hearts of children to their fathers.” Praying to see hearts turned.
It’s easy to talk bad about “the system,” harder to teach a class at the local jail, mentor a child, invest in a single parent household. Check out these ministry resources if you’d like to get involved in Fatherhood/Incarceration/Prison Ministry/Mentoring fatherless kids, etc.:
- Life Coaches, Inc. – Local ministry linking fatherless children with mentors. Shane O’hara also leads fathering groups at Angola, Rayburn Correctional, and Hunt’s in Baton Rouge. He’s on the teaching team at our local jail as well. Also, look for info on volunteering with Shane at One Day With God or Returning Hearts event.
- Inside Out Dad – the 12-week workbook we’re utilizing at our local jail. Works good for facilities where sentences are short. Check it out and consider starting a group at your local jail.
- Malachi Dad’s – a longer, 12-month program for prisons or facilities with men that have longer sentences.
- YOU! If you know a single mom or family with an incarcerated loved one. Have them over and love on them. If you know a kid whose dad is incarcerated. Take them to the movie, pay their way into a community sports program, invite them to your church or on your family vacation. That would be more effective than 52 sermons.
- Let me know if you’d like to help provide the books and resources for our inmate programs at the St. Tammany Parish Jail.
DADS – Direction, Availability, Discipline, Spirituality
How and what do Dads provide for kids?
D – DIRECTION
- Proverbs 1:8-9 (ESV) 8 Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, 9 for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.
- Proverbs 4:1-2 (ESV) 1 Hear, O sons, a father’s instruction, and be attentive, that you may gain insight, 2 for I give you good precepts; do not forsake my teaching.
- Proverbs 6:20-22 (ESV) 20 My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching. 21 Bind them on your heart always; tie them around your neck. 22 When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you.
- Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (ESV) 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
These verses assume that the Father is instructing and teaching the children. That the Father has something to say. Truth is: you are teaching them something. They are learning what’s important from you. They are learning how to react from you. Why not be intentional about passing on God’s word.
A – AVAILABILITY
Some say this is THE biggest problem in society these days: Dad’s are unavailable.
Stats on Fathering:
- Children living without Fathers: 24 million.
- 40% of children.
- Fatherless children are 100 to 200% more likely to have emotional & behavioral problems.
- 2x more likely to use drugs or alcohol.
- 3x more likely to commit a violent crime.
- 300% more likely to become incarcerated in juvenile detention centers.
- Daughters: 164% more likely to have children out of wedlock.
- 92% higher divorce rates.
- 80% of children admitted to psychiatric hospitals are from fatherless homes.
Former US Attorney General William Barr – “If you look at the one factor that most closely correlates with crime, it’s not poverty, it’s not employment, it’s not education; it’s the absence of the father in the family.”
Unavailable Fathers leave children at high risk.
Proverbs 17:6 (ESV) 6 Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.
The glory, honor, beauty, pride, praise of children is to have a father available to them.
Why? My two boys, Jackson (8) and Hudson (4) ask me this one question dozens of times per week – “Dad, watch this!” You say, that’s not a question. Yes it it – He asking, “Dad, do you think I’m tough? Do you think I’m a man? Dad, do you respect me? Dad, do you think I will be something one day?” He needs to be admired. Fatherless children say, “Dad, watch this!” & when no one is there, they go somewhere else to become a man – to violence, to the world, to promiscuity. Many adult are still saying today: Dad, watch this. Trying to prove to themselves and to others that they can make it.
What about Daughters? “Dad, am I pretty? Do you want me? Will you protect me?” Fatherless daughters will have this question answered and many times they turn to relationships that create problems for their lives.
What does it mean to be available as parents? – Having as your top priority the rearing of your children. Taking ownership and responsibility for what they are becoming.
One of my favorite books on Fathering is King Me by Steve Farrar. He studies the failures of the Old Testament Kings in rearing their children. Over a few hundred years unavailable Fathers who were building there real estate and their bank accounts, but neglecting their families brought devastation to a nation. Some say, it’s doing the same today.
D – DISCIPLINE
Part of being engaged in the lives of your children is taking time to discipline them and to teach them discipline.
Three Questions parents ask today are all answered by DISCIPLINE.
1. How do I show my love to my children?
- Proverbs 3:12 (ESV) 12 for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.
- Proverbs 13:24 (ESV) 24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
2. How do I assure the success of my children?
- Proverbs 19:18 (ESV) 18 Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.
- Proverbs 22:15 (ESV) 15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
3. How do I assure a peaceful relationship with my children?
- Proverbs 29:17 (ESV) 17 Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.
Godly discipline is a gift that a DAD can give to his kids. Being engaged enough to notice good and bad behavior and provide correction and training.
S – SPIRITUALITY
We give so much to our children these days. Are we giving them spiritual life? It’s our duty to pass on a spiritual legacy.
Your walk with God or lack there of will have a profound impact upon their lives. They are learning what’s important from you. Dad, you can have the greatest impact upon their eternal destiny.
- Proverbs 8:20-21 (ESV) 20 I walk in the way of righteousness, in the paths of justice, 21 granting an inheritance to those who love me, and filling their treasuries.
- Proverbs 11:21 (ESV) 21 Be assured, an evil person will not go unpunished, but the offspring of the righteous will be delivered.
- Proverbs 14:26 (ESV) 26 In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge.
- Proverbs 20:7 (ESV) 7 The righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed are his children after him!
Dad, not your work, but your walk will leave them an inheritance.
How can I pass on Spirituality:
MODELING – three quotes that scare me as a parent:
- No matter what you teach children, they insists on behaving like their parents.
- We teach what we know, but we reproduce what we are.
- Kids may sometimes doubt what you say, but they will always believe what you do.
What is your desire for your children? “To work hard, to be a Christian, to make a difference.” Dad, they may only be confined by you. You can’t lead someone further than you’ve gone yourself.
EVANGELIZING AT HOME –
- Talk about the Gospel with them at every opportunity
- Pray with them.
- Be sensitive to every spiritual question.
- Read spiritual books.
- Pray for them to come to know Christ at an early age.
Top 5 Deathbed Regrets, Latest Social Networking Research, and other links I liked and learned from lately
- Top 5 Deathbed Regrets – #2 “I wish I didn’t work so hard (expressed by every male patient)”
- Some Fatherhood research – “In 1960, only 11% of children in the U.S. lived apart from their fathers. By 2010, that share had risen to 27%.”
- Joining God in the Neighborhood – Also looking forward to getting this book
- Godin on Organization vs. Movement “Movements are more likely to cause widespread change, and they require leaders, not managers.”
- Social Networking Stats – “79% of American adults said they used the internet and nearly half of adults (47%), or 59% of internet users, say they use at least one of SNS. This is close to double the 26% of adults (34% of internet users) who used a SNS in 2008.”
- What you win people with, you win people to ~ Bob Logan – “If you reach people with … that’s what they will believe church to be. Whatever people have experienced, that’s what they asume church is.”
- Top 10 Misused English Words
“We were made to be courageous, We were made to lead the way”
I’m excited about the movie Courageous, coming out Sept 30th. Wish it were coming out this weekend. It’s going to highlight men’s issues and challenge dad’s. Check out the official music video below. The movie trailer is at the end of the clip. Or find it here. Also, check out the Courageous Song lyrics below the video.
Courageous Lyrics
We were made to be courageous
We were made to lead the way
We could be the generation
That finally breaks the chain
We were made to be courageous
We were made to be courageous
We were warriors on the front lines
Standing, unafraid
But now we’re watchers on the sidelines
While our families slip away
Where are you, men of courage?
You were made for so much more
Let the pounding of hearts cry
We will serve the Lord
We were made to be courageous
And we’re taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight
The only way we’ll ever stand
Is on our knees we’re lifting hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous
This is our resolution
Our answer to the call
We will love our wives and children
We refuse to let them fall
We will reignite the passion
That we buried deep inside
May the watchers become warriors
Let the men of God arise
Seek justice
Love mercy
Walk on
Be with your God
In the war of the mind
I will make my stand
In the battle of the heart
And the battle of the hand
Father’s Day Gifts
Thinking about getting Dad a book for Father’s Day? Here’s a few suggestions:
- Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis is still one of the best books about raising boys. Easy to read and lots in there to excite the heart of a man.
- Anything by Steve Farrar. My favorites are King Me, mainly for Fathering Boys, and Anchor Man.
- Don’t forget that men love war, hero stories, and history so my recent favorite is Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell – a true Navy Seal story from the war in Afghanistan. Also, Band of Brothers and The Pacific books or mini-series would be a great gift.
- For fun I love the Worst Case Scenario book series and I’ve got a few materials list from the book Handy Dad for projects to do with my boys.
- For the Church Leader Dad, see this list.
- For the non-reader think gift card to Academy, Bass Pro, or Outback.
Other suggestions?
The Father Factor
Children in Father-absent home are 5 times more likely to live in poverty, 15 times more likely to have behavior disorders, 5 times more likely to commit suicide, 3 times more likely to have asthma, 7 times more likely to be teen mothers, 7 times more likely to drop out of school, 15 times more likely to end up in prison as a teenager. Today, 24 million children live in a home without a father present. These stats and much more can be found at http://www.fatherhood.org/ and http://lifecoachesla.org/.
Father absence affects our society. What can we do?
1. Invest in these kids. Get involved with a local church, ministry, or agency that works to mentor kids. Talk to local school officials, police departments, etc. about who in their sphere of influence are at risk. One ministry in our area partners community leaders with at risk kids. Check out Life Coaches for Kids and get involved.
2. Connect w/Fathers. Our church recently launched a ministry in our local jail called Malachi Dads. It equips inmate dads to connect and engage with their children while incarcerated and prepares them to be an engaged, Godly father when they get out. Let me know if you’d like to get involved with this ministry as a leader, encourager, or prayer partner.
3. If You’re a Dad, Get Engaged in the life of your kids. They need you. They have needs deep in their hearts and minds that only you can meet.
More later…
Tangible Kingdom Primer
“The call to community is more than just going to church on Sunday. A commitment to community might change the way you think about your Christian friends. Instead of working to impress them with your spirituality or your “edginess”, you might find yourself entrusting them with your struggles. Which might lead to better relationships. Which might lead to you going on mission together. Which is the whole point.” ~ One of my favorite quotes from the Tangible Kingdom Primer.
This summer Bridge Church is working back through the Tangible Kingdom Primer: An Eight Week Guide to Incarnational Community. It’s a simple study designed to challenge us to intuitively live life on mission for others and to lean in on what it means to be the presence of Christ in my neighborhood and community. One of the basic concepts in the study is the idea of posture, which is defined as “the way a person or community expresses itself toward others.” My personal posture and that of churches in which I’ve been a part of, has often been self-centered, inward focused, and closed off to nonconformists and anyone on the outside. What would it look like for us to posture ourselves and be present with those in the world? What honestly is the posture of your life? Toward the needs of others first or personal safety and satisfaction? The study serves as a daily devotional, with projects to do throughout the weeks designed to allow you to experience life on mission as an individual and group. Tangible, practical, simple, reproducible. Love these concepts which are woven into the entire study. Looking forward to tracking with Bridge Church through the TK primer.
Here are a few resources for those doing the TK:
- The Tangible Kingdom book.
- The Tangible Kingdom video.
- Tanglible Kingdom Primer Introduction. 17 minute description and training session led by the Author.
- Order the TK Primer and check out other Tangible Kingdom resources here.
- Follow the TK guys on Facebook.
The call to community is more than just going to church on Sunday. A commitment to community might change the way you think about your Christian friends. Instead of working to impress them with your spirituality or your “edginess”, you might find yourself entrusting them with your struggles. Which might lead to better relationships. Which might lead to you going on mission together. Which is the whole point.
Links I Liked/Learned From this week:
- The Most Important Thing Your Church Will Ever Do. “I believe any definition of fruitfulness for a local church must include the planting of new congregations” ~ Rick Warren
- Moving from “Church Membership” to “Mission Partnership” – by Will Mancini. Our church has been using the word “partner” instead of “member.” I like Mancini’s reasoning here. “Membership is culturally hijacked terminology by its use from country clubs to platinum cards. Partnership is a term that carries less baggage and brings new metaphors biblically.” Also check out Mancini’s Visual Summary to Church Unique.
- 8 Ways to Easily Be Missional. “Missional is not an event we tack onto our already busy lives. It is our life. Mission should be the way we live.”
- 4 Shifts Necessary to Become a Reproducing Church by Dave Ferguson. Church Growth to Missional Movement, Ministry Manager to Spiritual Entrepeneur, Owning to Renting Leasing or Borrowing, Reactive to Proactive.
- Seth Godin on Being Stuck. Seems more and more of my generation of men are dealing with being stuck.
- Dear Church…Go and Multiply. “Church multiplication is a spiritual decision of a church to put the needs of a desperate world before self-preservation.”
Lane Corley 