I’ve been a part of a couple of growing churches. The fun of it is having a growing number of people to call friends and then a growing number of people to call family. This is essentially a good, simple church growth strategy. Hey, let’s make more friends and let’s stick with them long enough that they become family. Scaling this to grow a church larger and larger requires intentional strategy. Nothing wrong with a small group of friends and small families. But most churches want to grow. Many pastors and most church planters want their churches to be self-sustaining and be around for future generations. So how do we grow friends and family?

1. Design systems to discover and track the number of friends your church has.

A friend is anyone that may be connected with your church or with a member of your church family. Do you know how many friends you have? In the past, we’ve called these prospects. I prefer to think of them as friends. Do you have a list of prospects / friends? Here’s some ways to discover them:

• Have a connection card on Sunday’s that people fill out. All first time guests are added to our Friends list, so that we can pray for them, and stay in touch with them.
• Ask people in your church to make a list of friends that don’t have a church family. List them, pray for them among the leadership, visit them, invite them.
• Have regular events that are just designed to make new friends. Easter Egg Hunts, Fall Festivals, Movie Nights in the park, etc. Let the community know that this is a safe place to know and be known.
• Our church uses a list we call Crowd – Congregation – Core to track where people are spiritually within our family.

2. Cast a vision and provide resources to help people in your church to make new friends.

Tim Keller said,  “In the first two centuries, mission work was informal, conversational, and largely through friendship.” I think our world could use a lot of this kind of mission work as well. What if people got a vision for expanding the kingdom through friendship and caring for those around them. Here’s some ways a church may encourage this:

• Teach people the importance of initiating new relationships in the process of evangelism.
• Provide resources for people to celebrate and party well within the community. Like a block party trailer with inflatables, tents, and outdoor sound equipment. Like a big BBQ pit that can be loaned out to families on the weekends for Birthday parties and neighborhood gatherings.
• Have special friend days, designed just for people to invite new friends to church that promises a meaningful message with them in mind.

3. Design systems to lead to deeper family-like connections and commitments.

One of the growing small groups at our church, does an annual camp out. Friendship written all over this pic. Love it!

We become family-like by sticking with each other through difficult times and awkward moments. Having systems in your church that provides meaningful connections for friends going through transitions and crisis – like moving, bringing home a new baby, experiencing loss, etc. helps develop sticky family-like connections. How do we do that?

• Have a small group ministry where people can develop great connections where they can know and be known through good and bad seasons.
• Have a team in your church that looks for opportunities to serve people in transition of some kind. For our church it’s the Family Support Team and the individual small groups. Care and concern make relationships sticky and family-like.

4. Move people to Commit to God’s family by Connecting them with Christ.

Our ultimate goal is not to have family-like relationships. We can do that through other organizations and relationships. We want to move people to become real spiritual family members and we do that through connecting them with the person and work of Christ.

• Share the story of Christ at every gathering.
• Teach people to share their story of connecting with Christ as they build friendship in the community.
• Offer a Family Connections Class or Workshop or New Members Class that teaches people how to become real spiritual family through Christ.

Don’t focus on what you can’t do as a church. Make it simple. Friendship + Family. Every church can make new friends in their community and stick with them long enough to become family.  

Grateful for these friends in our small group that our family is blessed to walk through life with through our church. Great stories around this table.