Category Archives: Men’s Issues
When It Comes to Character, Make No Exceptions
“David had lived an exemplary life before God all his days… (EXCEPT for that time with Uriah the Hittite)”
1 Kings 15:5 MSG.
David with Uriah’s wife. Pic from the History Channel’s Bible Miniseries.
An “EXCEPT” in relation to your character could change the course of history for your family. David made an exception in his mission, by not going out to battle with his armies (2 Samuel 11:1). He made an exception in his obedience to God, by sleeping with another man’s wife, then having that man (Uriah the Hittite) killed to protect his own image (2 Samuel 11-12). The result was death, brokenness, & pain for David’s family, along with the curse of division & war in David’s family line forever (2 Samuel 12:10). Make no mistake, the “EXCEPT” in parentheses in David’s life was devastating. And it would be devastating for you & I as well. Make no exceptions in your relation to your character & put no parenthetical “EXCEPT” next to your testimony & family name.
- What exceptions are you making, considering, or imagining for yourself? (“I don’t have to go to church” ; “It will never happen to me” ; “It’s just this once” “No one will ever find out”) In relationships, spiritual disciplines, habits & beliefs?
- If there is already an “EXCEPT” in your life, have you repented & allowed God to bring healing? (see Psalm 32 & 51) And how have you moved past the temptation to make sin common & OK in your life?
- Ask God to help you put a period instead of parenthesis on your testimony forever.
Join Bridge Church this Summer, 10:30am at the Maritime Museum in Madisonville, as we study the Old Testament book of Psalms in a series called Swells. We’ll look at how David & others learned to ride the ups & downs of life, like sin, discouragement, problem people, & more.
When It Comes to Character, Make No Exceptions
“David had lived an exemplary life before God all his days… (EXCEPT for that time with Uriah the Hittite)”
1 Kings 15:5 MSG.
David with Uriah’s Wife. Picture from the History Channel’s Bible Miniseries.
An “EXCEPT” in relation to your character could change the course of history for your family. David made an exception in his mission, by not going out to battle with his armies (2 Samuel 11:1). He made an exception in his obedience to God, by sleeping with another man’s wife, then having that man (Uriah the Hittite) killed to protect his own image (2 Samuel 11-12). The result was death, brokenness, & pain for David’s family, along with the curse of division & war in David’s family line forever (2 Samuel 12:10). Make no mistake, the “EXCEPT” in parentheses in David’s life was devastating. And it would be devastating for you & I as well. Make no exceptions in your relation to your character & put no parenthetical “EXCEPT” next to your testimony & family name.
- What exceptions are you making, considering, or imagining for yourself? (“I don’t have to go to church” ; “It will never happen to me” ; “It’s just this once” “No one will ever find out”) In relationships, spiritual disciplines, habits & beliefs?
- If there is already an “EXCEPT” in your life, have you repented & allowed God to bring healing? (see Psalm 32 & 51) And how have you moved past the temptation to make sin common & OK in your life?
- Ask God to help you put a period instead of parenthesis on your testimony forever.
Date Your Wife: A Call for Intentional Manhood
“God has given man the ability to be the best thing or the worst thing that ever happened to a marriage.” Justin Buzzard in Date Your Wife calls men to initiate, 
pursue, and desire our wives like we did at first. To plan and implement a strategy of devotion like we would a hunting or golf trip or a business deal. It’s what God created men to do. This book is a short treatise on what it means to be a husband. And for a generation that has no idea what that means, its a desperately needed message. Very practical. Men, a great Christmas gift idea for your wife: get this book, read it, do it. Here’s a few favorite quotes:
- “Matrimony came from Paradise, and leads to it. I never was half so happy, before I was a married man, as I am now. When you are married, your bliss begins. Let the husband love his wife as he loves himself, and a little better, for she is his better half. He should feel, ‘If there’s only one good wife in the whole world, I’ve got her.’” ~ Spurgeon
- our first date stories have one thing in common: we acted like men. We pursued our wives to be. We made the move. We initiated. We took a risk. We took the lead.
- “There is no bond on earth so sweet, nor any separation so bitter, as that which occurs in a good marriage.” ~ Martin Luther
- If you want to change a marriage, change the man.
- God has given the man the ability to be the best thing or the worst thing that ever happened to a marriage.
- A man needs a mission. Men were created to carry out a mission, and if a man does not have a mission, he feels lost and impotent.
- God have the first man, and God gives us men, a mission that can be completed only through dependence.
- Jesus doesn’t make men better. He makes men new.
- The most rebellious, countercultural thing you can do in our culture is to be happily married until death do you part.
- Vows aren’t automatic. Vows aren’t magic. Vows don’t keep themselves.
- The point of your marriage isn’t you. The point of your marriage isn’t your wife. The point of your marriage is to date your wife in such a way that showcases Jesus and His power to a world of husbands and wives, men and women, boys and girls, in desparate need of a God who can rescue, reconcile, restore, and redeem their broken lives. Marriage isn’t ultimate. God is ultimate.
Great list of 100 Ideas on how to be intentional about Dating Your Wife. Here’s a few:
- Cut something from your budget and use that money to date your wife.
- Cut something from your schedule and use that time to date your wife.
- Pray for your wife. Pray for her every day.
- Tell you wife that she looks beautiful, and teach your kids to do the same.
- Criticize your wife less. Compliment your wife more.
- Hold your wife’s hand often, in public and in private.
- Watch the kids and send your wife out to a local coffee shop to enjoy an hour or two alone.
- Brag about your wife in front of other people.
- Keep fresh dry erase markers in the bathroom. Periodically write your wife an encouraging note on the bathroom mirror that she’ll read when she wakes up.
- Write in a card the top five reasons you chose your wife as your bride.
Also, check out the author’s blog here.
“he will turn the hearts of fathers to [their] children…”
Monday’s at our local jail, our church is doing a fathering group called Inside Out Dad. Why? The #1 request on our prison survey form was help with Parenting/Family Issues. Also, for every inmate (1,200+ in St. Tammany Parish) there is a family system on the outside that is hurting, at risk, and in need of the gospel. 20% of inmates are children of inmates (click here for stats on Father absence). 2.2 million children in the U.S. under the age of 18 have a parent in prison. The average age of these children is 8 years old. Compared to their peers, children of inmates are more likely to also end up in prison. If we prevent a child from following a lifestyle of crime we prevent one or more people from being a victim of crime, and cost to the government (estimated at $24,000 per year per inmate; $49 billion nationwide last year). A child’s connection with their Dad is key to many social indicators. I could go on, but in two weeks this study has touched deep issues that get to the heart of the problem of crime and incarceration. “I never had another person tell me, ‘I love you.’ growing up.” “I’ll never have kids b/c I don’t want to cause them the pain that my dad caused me.” And a deep longing to get it right… This is from the journal of an inmate in the group.
I thank God for not only second chances, but many chances. And I would like to take this opportunity to get my life on track so that I can be a positive influence to my kids and grandkids. I look forward to hearing the words “Daddy” and “Grandpa.” And to being able to fulfill what those words really mean.
The Old Testament closes with a promise in Malachi 4:6 – “he will turn the hearts of fathers to [their] children and the hearts of children to their fathers.” Praying to see hearts turned.
It’s easy to talk bad about “the system,” harder to teach a class at the local jail, mentor a child, invest in a single parent household. Check out these ministry resources if you’d like to get involved in Fatherhood/Incarceration/Prison Ministry/Mentoring fatherless kids, etc.:
- Life Coaches, Inc. – Local ministry linking fatherless children with mentors. Shane O’hara also leads fathering groups at Angola, Rayburn Correctional, and Hunt’s in Baton Rouge. He’s on the teaching team at our local jail as well. Also, look for info on volunteering with Shane at One Day With God or Returning Hearts event.
- Inside Out Dad – the 12-week workbook we’re utilizing at our local jail. Works good for facilities where sentences are short. Check it out and consider starting a group at your local jail.
- Malachi Dad’s – a longer, 12-month program for prisons or facilities with men that have longer sentences.
- YOU! If you know a single mom or family with an incarcerated loved one. Have them over and love on them. If you know a kid whose dad is incarcerated. Take them to the movie, pay their way into a community sports program, invite them to your church or on your family vacation. That would be more effective than 52 sermons.
- Let me know if you’d like to help provide the books and resources for our inmate programs at the St. Tammany Parish Jail.
DADS – Direction, Availability, Discipline, Spirituality
How and what do Dads provide for kids?
D – DIRECTION
- Proverbs 1:8-9 (ESV) 8 Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, 9 for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.
- Proverbs 4:1-2 (ESV) 1 Hear, O sons, a father’s instruction, and be attentive, that you may gain insight, 2 for I give you good precepts; do not forsake my teaching.
- Proverbs 6:20-22 (ESV) 20 My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching. 21 Bind them on your heart always; tie them around your neck. 22 When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you.
- Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (ESV) 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
These verses assume that the Father is instructing and teaching the children. That the Father has something to say. Truth is: you are teaching them something. They are learning what’s important from you. They are learning how to react from you. Why not be intentional about passing on God’s word.
A – AVAILABILITY
Some say this is THE biggest problem in society these days: Dad’s are unavailable.
Stats on Fathering:
- Children living without Fathers: 24 million.
- 40% of children.
- Fatherless children are 100 to 200% more likely to have emotional & behavioral problems.
- 2x more likely to use drugs or alcohol.
- 3x more likely to commit a violent crime.
- 300% more likely to become incarcerated in juvenile detention centers.
- Daughters: 164% more likely to have children out of wedlock.
- 92% higher divorce rates.
- 80% of children admitted to psychiatric hospitals are from fatherless homes.
Former US Attorney General William Barr – “If you look at the one factor that most closely correlates with crime, it’s not poverty, it’s not employment, it’s not education; it’s the absence of the father in the family.”
Unavailable Fathers leave children at high risk.
Proverbs 17:6 (ESV) 6 Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.
The glory, honor, beauty, pride, praise of children is to have a father available to them.
Why? My two boys, Jackson (8) and Hudson (4) ask me this one question dozens of times per week – “Dad, watch this!” You say, that’s not a question. Yes it it – He asking, “Dad, do you think I’m tough? Do you think I’m a man? Dad, do you respect me? Dad, do you think I will be something one day?” He needs to be admired. Fatherless children say, “Dad, watch this!” & when no one is there, they go somewhere else to become a man – to violence, to the world, to promiscuity. Many adult are still saying today: Dad, watch this. Trying to prove to themselves and to others that they can make it.
What about Daughters? “Dad, am I pretty? Do you want me? Will you protect me?” Fatherless daughters will have this question answered and many times they turn to relationships that create problems for their lives.
What does it mean to be available as parents? – Having as your top priority the rearing of your children. Taking ownership and responsibility for what they are becoming.
One of my favorite books on Fathering is King Me by Steve Farrar. He studies the failures of the Old Testament Kings in rearing their children. Over a few hundred years unavailable Fathers who were building there real estate and their bank accounts, but neglecting their families brought devastation to a nation. Some say, it’s doing the same today.
D – DISCIPLINE
Part of being engaged in the lives of your children is taking time to discipline them and to teach them discipline.
Three Questions parents ask today are all answered by DISCIPLINE.
1. How do I show my love to my children?
- Proverbs 3:12 (ESV) 12 for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.
- Proverbs 13:24 (ESV) 24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
2. How do I assure the success of my children?
- Proverbs 19:18 (ESV) 18 Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.
- Proverbs 22:15 (ESV) 15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
3. How do I assure a peaceful relationship with my children?
- Proverbs 29:17 (ESV) 17 Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.
Godly discipline is a gift that a DAD can give to his kids. Being engaged enough to notice good and bad behavior and provide correction and training.
S – SPIRITUALITY
We give so much to our children these days. Are we giving them spiritual life? It’s our duty to pass on a spiritual legacy.
Your walk with God or lack there of will have a profound impact upon their lives. They are learning what’s important from you. Dad, you can have the greatest impact upon their eternal destiny.
- Proverbs 8:20-21 (ESV) 20 I walk in the way of righteousness, in the paths of justice, 21 granting an inheritance to those who love me, and filling their treasuries.
- Proverbs 11:21 (ESV) 21 Be assured, an evil person will not go unpunished, but the offspring of the righteous will be delivered.
- Proverbs 14:26 (ESV) 26 In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge.
- Proverbs 20:7 (ESV) 7 The righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed are his children after him!
Dad, not your work, but your walk will leave them an inheritance.
How can I pass on Spirituality:
MODELING – three quotes that scare me as a parent:
- No matter what you teach children, they insists on behaving like their parents.
- We teach what we know, but we reproduce what we are.
- Kids may sometimes doubt what you say, but they will always believe what you do.
What is your desire for your children? “To work hard, to be a Christian, to make a difference.” Dad, they may only be confined by you. You can’t lead someone further than you’ve gone yourself.
EVANGELIZING AT HOME –
- Talk about the Gospel with them at every opportunity
- Pray with them.
- Be sensitive to every spiritual question.
- Read spiritual books.
- Pray for them to come to know Christ at an early age.
“We were made to be courageous, We were made to lead the way”
I’m excited about the movie Courageous, coming out Sept 30th. Wish it were coming out this weekend. It’s going to highlight men’s issues and challenge dad’s. Check out the official music video below. The movie trailer is at the end of the clip. Or find it here. Also, check out the Courageous Song lyrics below the video.
Courageous Lyrics
We were made to be courageous
We were made to lead the way
We could be the generation
That finally breaks the chain
We were made to be courageous
We were made to be courageous
We were warriors on the front lines
Standing, unafraid
But now we’re watchers on the sidelines
While our families slip away
Where are you, men of courage?
You were made for so much more
Let the pounding of hearts cry
We will serve the Lord
We were made to be courageous
And we’re taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight
The only way we’ll ever stand
Is on our knees we’re lifting hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous
This is our resolution
Our answer to the call
We will love our wives and children
We refuse to let them fall
We will reignite the passion
That we buried deep inside
May the watchers become warriors
Let the men of God arise
Seek justice
Love mercy
Walk on
Be with your God
In the war of the mind
I will make my stand
In the battle of the heart
And the battle of the hand
Father’s Day Gifts
Thinking about getting Dad a book for Father’s Day? Here’s a few suggestions:
- Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis is still one of the best books about raising boys. Easy to read and lots in there to excite the heart of a man.
- Anything by Steve Farrar. My favorites are King Me, mainly for Fathering Boys, and Anchor Man.
- Don’t forget that men love war, hero stories, and history so my recent favorite is Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell – a true Navy Seal story from the war in Afghanistan. Also, Band of Brothers and The Pacific books or mini-series would be a great gift.
- For fun I love the Worst Case Scenario book series and I’ve got a few materials list from the book Handy Dad for projects to do with my boys.
- For the Church Leader Dad, see this list.
- For the non-reader think gift card to Academy, Bass Pro, or Outback.
Other suggestions?
The Father Factor
Children in Father-absent home are 5 times more likely to live in poverty, 15 times more likely to have behavior disorders, 5 times more likely to commit suicide, 3 times more likely to have asthma, 7 times more likely to be teen mothers, 7 times more likely to drop out of school, 15 times more likely to end up in prison as a teenager. Today, 24 million children live in a home without a father present. These stats and much more can be found at http://www.fatherhood.org/ and http://lifecoachesla.org/.
Father absence affects our society. What can we do?
1. Invest in these kids. Get involved with a local church, ministry, or agency that works to mentor kids. Talk to local school officials, police departments, etc. about who in their sphere of influence are at risk. One ministry in our area partners community leaders with at risk kids. Check out Life Coaches for Kids and get involved.
2. Connect w/Fathers. Our church recently launched a ministry in our local jail called Malachi Dads. It equips inmate dads to connect and engage with their children while incarcerated and prepares them to be an engaged, Godly father when they get out. Let me know if you’d like to get involved with this ministry as a leader, encourager, or prayer partner.
3. If You’re a Dad, Get Engaged in the life of your kids. They need you. They have needs deep in their hearts and minds that only you can meet.
More later…
I know what God says, BUT…
I know what God says, BUT…
- “my situation is different.”
- “that will never happen to me.”
- “everyone else does it.”
- “that was a long time ago.”
- “they deserve it.”
- “god understands my needs.”
- “who really does that anyway?”
- “that’s just not possible for me.”
- “I’ll get around to that one day.”
When you disobey God it means there is a gap between where you are and where you know God wants you to be. “I know what God says, BUT…” or “I know what I should be doing, BUT…” reveals that gap for all that it is. When you excuse your disobedience, you are saying more about what you believe about God than anything else. What you should just go ahead and say is, “I know what God says, BUT…”
- “He really doesn’t matter that much to me.”
- “I know better than He does about this issue/situation. I’m so much wiser about these kind of things.”
- “God has changed since the Bible was written and all that stuff doesn’t really matter anymore.”
- “I’d rather do what my friends say than God. They are so much smarter than him.”
- “I don’t really think He can provide for this need. I’ll just do it myself.”
- “I don’t really believe in God at all. Since he’s not real, I can do whatever I want.”
If you can easily excuse a pattern of disobedience, blowing off the word and will of God, the book of 1 John says you are a liar, deceived, and in darkness.
The real Christian responds to God’s word with obedience. He’s revealed Himself in Christ who is willing to transform our lives. The transformed one responds to God with obedience.
Needed: Real Men
What’s the greatest need in society? What’s the greatest need in the church? What’s the greatest need in my home? For me to be a man and love and lead my family to Christ. Missing from my generation is men with the courage, boldness, conviction, discipline, and determination to be such a leader. The men in my small group also determined that we’re missing examples of such men. We haven’t been left a legacy of leadership by our fathers. That will be the focus of our discussions @ our monthly Men’s Breakfast this year. How do we lead our families & churches as God wants us to? We’ll be reading together a book by Steve Farrar called Anchor Man. Below is a article from his website, to wet your apetite – “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.”
Leading at home
If a man isn’t a leader anywhere else in his life, he must be a leader at home.
That’s an order that comes straight from the Lord. All believers are called to be salt and light, yet a society without strong male leadership is doomed. I’m not talking about strong male leadership at the capitol building, as important as that may be. Without male leadership in the family, we are one generation away from anarchy in the streets. Much of the turmoil and violence plaguing our society directly results from the absence of a strong male presence in the home.
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Lane Corley 