Recognizing Unsafe and Safe Relationships

Finishing up our Strong Relationships Emphasis today at Bridge Church. Sharing a list from one of my favorite books. They are known for their Boundaries books, but a lesser known book has helped me in recognizing relationships that could have a negative impact on my life. Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good For You and Avoid Those That Aren’t by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, will help you discern character and recognize manipulative harmful people before it’s too late. Here is there list of what to look for in people that are unsafe:

1. Unsafe people think they have it all together instead of admitting their weaknesses.
2. Unsafe people are religious instead of spiritual.
3. Unsafe people are defensive instead of open to feedback.
4. Unsafe people are self-righteous instead of humble.
5. Unsafe people only apologize instead of changing their behavior.
6. Unsafe people avoid working on their problems.
7. Unsafe people demand trust instead of earning it.
8. Unsafe people believe they are perfect instead of admitting their faults.
9. Unsafe people blame others instead of taking responsibility.
10. Unsafe people lie instead of telling the truth.
11. Unsafe people are stagnant instead of growing.
12. Unsafe people avoid closeness instead of connecting.
13. Unsafe people are only concerned with “I” instead of “we.”
14. Unsafe people resist freedom instead of encouraging it.
15. Unsafe people flatter us instead of confronting us.
16. Unsafe people condemn us instead of forgiving us.
17. Unsafe people stay in parent-child roles instead of relating as equals.
18. Unsafe people are unstable over time instead of being consistent.
19. Unsafe people are a negative influence on us.
20. Unsafe people gossip instead of keeping secrets.

A Safe Relationship…
 Helps me draw closer to God.
 Helps me draw closer to other people.
 Helps me to become the person God created me to be.

Check out the author’s website – – for more relationship resources.


Posted on April 3, 2011, in Bridge Church. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. lane, get out of my brain.

  2. I enjoy reading through an article that will make men and women think. Also, many thanks for permitting me to comment

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