As a Pastor, one of my duties is the preparation for and performing of marriage and its ceremonies. It is something I have learned to do with fear and trembling, because so much is at stake when two people become one in God’s eyes. I take it very seriously and I know that I will one day give account before God for upholding his view of marriage (Hebrews 13:4) and shepherding people according to His will (Hebrews 13:17). Increasingly, I am put in the position of dealing with two people who are not married but live under the same roof. They are asking me to bless their future marriage while knowing I probably do not approve of this arrangement. They know this usually because of their conscience slaying them with guilt, but also because they know the Bible teaches that marriage is the only right way for man and woman to relate to one another sexually. As I have sought to uphold God’s standard of righteousness and counsel couples to do what I believe to be in the best interest of their relationsip, I always encourage them to separate. I have lost friends, been verbally berated, and had people leave my church for this reason. However, the evidence continues to pile up that this position is in their best interest. Below is a list of verses that guide me concerning this topic and links to a number of articles from Christian and secular authors stating the evidence stacked against living together prior to a marriage commitment. Hopefully this list will be helpful to couples considering moving in together, already living together, or to other ministers struggling with this issue.

VERSES THAT STATE GOD’S VIEW OF SEX AND MARRIAGE
1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 (ESV) 3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, 5 not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. 7 For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. 8 Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (ESV) 18 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. Hebrews 13:4 (ESV) Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

VERSES THAT GUIDE ETHICAL DECISIONS AND BEHAVIOR
1 Thessalonians 5:22 (ESV) Abstain from every form of evil.
Proverbs 14:16 (ESV) One who is wise is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool is reckless and careless.
Proverbs 16:17 (ESV) The highway of the upright turns aside from evil; whoever guards his way preserves his life.

VERSES ABOUT MY TESTIMONY BEFORE OTHERS
1 John 2:10 (ESV) Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling.
Matthew 5:13-16 (ESV) Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

BIG PILE OF ARTICLES ABOUT COHABITATION
Cohabitation is bad for men, worse for women, and horrible for children
How Healthy Are Cohabiting Relationships?
Myths About Living Together
Are There Reasons Why I Should Not Move In With My Boyfriend
Should We Live Together
Should We Live Together? What Young Adults Should Know About Cohabitation Before Marriage (Secular study)
Cohabitation Poses Many Risks
Why Cohabitation Doesn’t Work
Vows of Cohabitation (funny food for thought)

A FEW HELPFUL QUOTES I’VE COLLECTED OVER THE YEARS
• MARRIAGE MYTH: Couples who live together before marriage, and are thus able to test how well suited they are for each other, have more satisfying and longer-lasting marriages than couples that don’t. Many studies have found that those who live together before marriage have less satisfying marriages and a considerably higher chance of eventually breaking up. One reason is that people who cohabit may be more skittish of commitment and more likely to call it quits when problems arise. In addition, the very act of living together may lead to attitudes that make happy marriages more difficult. The findings of one recent study, for example, suggest, “There may be less motivation for cohabiting partners to develop their conflict resolution and support skills.” (Smartmarriages® Subject: TOP 10 MYTHS OF MARRIAGE- Popenoe/Piece of Paper schedule – 2/13/02)
• Contrary to what many people believe, “test driving” a relationship by living together before marriage also reduces the odds of success. The exact reasons are unclear. It may be that couples make riskier picks with a live-in partner than they would with a potential spouse. Or couples who defer marriage and opt to live together first may do so because they have trouble with commitment. After they move in together, some couples eventually walk down the aisle as a result of inertia, not love. Undoing the entanglements of a live-in relationship can be a hassle, especially if the couple has children, Scott Stanley (co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver) said. Sliding into marriage becomes “a transition without a decision,” Stanley said. “For a lot of young people, it’s not a real deliberative thing. They’re not really thinking, ‘Are you the one?’ ‘Am I the one?'” (Kyung M. Song from an article in the Seattle Times titled, Marriage as learned behavior: Can divorce be foretold? Wednesday, July 27, 2005)
• Researcher Scott Stanley’s case is this: Women living unmarried with guys and expecting a lasting, committed marriage down the line had better review their options. His research finds that men who cohabit with the women they eventually marry are less committed to the union than men who never lived with their spouses ahead of time. Stanley, co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, says the evidence from his research is so strong that cohabiting women “should be very careful about how aligned they are with a particular man if he does not show any strong sense of marriage and a future together.” Men who either drift into marriage “through inertia” following a cohabiting arrangement or who are “dragged down the aisle” by women who finally put their feet down aren’t good marriage risks, he says. (Cohabiting Is Not The Same As Commitment – by Karen S. Peterson, USA TODAY July 8, 2002)
• David Popenoe, (a Rutgers sociology professor) says living together is often chosen by a child of divorce and reflects a lower commitment relationship than marriage. “People get in the habit of expecting relationships to be low-commitment ones that they can easily get out of,” Popenoe says. “Then they get into marriage and, if they have that attitude, it’s probably the biggest reason the divorce rate is so high. People lack the commitment to marriage that once existed.” (Cohabiting Is Not The Same As Commitment – by Karen S. Peterson, USA TODAY July 8, 2002)
• “In focus groups, WOMEN perceive cohabitation as a step before marriage to that partner, whereas MEN are tending to see cohabitation as something to do before you make a commitment,” says Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, a social historian. …Scott Stanley, co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver and author of The Power of Commitment, has found similar results. “Men who live with women they eventually marry aren’t as committed to the union as those who didn’t live with their mates before tying the knot”, he says. (From article: COHABITATION IS REPLACING DATING, in USA TODAY, July 18, 2005)
• Cohabiting not only leads to higher divorce rates, says research, but it’s highly unstable: half of all co-habitees’ relationships last less than a year and 90% end within five years, mostly because couples break up, according to a new study by New York’s Cornell University, published in the journal Demography in May. We know cohabiting couples are less assured than married couples, and tend to be more violent with reduced concern for fidelity. Cohabiting men and women also share a greater likelihood of depression than their married counterparts. (From the article: Perils of “Living in Sin” – Shacking up isn’t always a guarantee of marriage Edmonton Sun (Canada) August 5, 2006 By Jennifer Parks)
• Cohabitation is just like marriage, but without “the piece of paper.” Cohabitation typically doesn’t bring the benefits (in physical health, wealth, and emotional well being) that marriage does. In terms of these benefits cohabitants in the United States more closely resemble singles than married couples. This is due, in part, to the fact that cohabitants tend not to be as committed as married couples, and they’re more oriented toward their own personal autonomy and less to the well being of their partner. (From: Smartmarriages® Subject: TOP 10 MYTHS OF MARRIAGE- Popenoe/Piece of Paper schedule – 2/13/02)
• Living together without the benefit of marriage can be harmful for the children since the relationship is not a committed one and therefore lacks stability and is more prone to break-up. For the children of such unions when the couple breaks up there may as well be a divorce. The lack of official papers does nothing to make a split easier on the kids. (Rabbi Shea Hecht, Pondering the Divorce Rate, Gopusa.com, May 17, 2007)
• 80% of children in co-habiting families are under the age of 6, in part because these families are two to three times more likely to break up in a child’s early years than married families. But the preliminary evidence strongly suggests that, even when cohabiting families stick together, children don’t fare as well on average as when they are blessed with a mother and father who got and stay married. That makes sense, if you think about it. What is a man saying when he marries? That he and his child and the child’s mother are one family unit, and they will be his most important priority; that he will be faithful to his wife, and that he will share his time, love, energy and money. People don’t always live up to their ideals, but it helps to begin with the right idea.
By contrast, when a man refuses to marry, what is he saying? Something like this: “I reserve the right to find someone better in the future, which includes the right to break up this family, the right to make love and children with another woman in the future. And by the way, my money is my own. What I choose to share with you, I hope you’ll be grateful for.” Naturally, no decent guy would say things like that out loud to the woman who is having his baby. But actions speak far louder than words, and so does inaction. (From the article: Dave Letterman: Be a Man, Get a Wife -By Maggie Gallagher, January, 2004 – You may reach Maggie Gallagher at Maggie@imapp.org – sent by Smart Marriages Monday, February 02, 2004)